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Send Your Water Jokes

Everyone loves a good laugh. If you hear a funny "green" water joke, share it with us.

Email us your favorite water humor and be entered to win a free replacement filter.

Send to:
jokes[at]efilterwater.com

eFilterWater Quote of the Day

The light and humorous side of water...

My fake plant died because I forgot to pretend to water it. - Unknown
Why do we have hot water heaters when the water's already hot? - Unknown
Water rusts pipes. (His reasoning for not drinking water) - WC Fields
As you know, we're studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking water to base our decision on sound science, the scientists told us we need to test the water glasses of about 3,000 people. Thank you for participating - Unknown
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm? - Unknown
(Rationale for not drinking water:) "Fish poop in it." - WC Fields
What runs but never gets tired? Water. - Unknown
What's the difference between an optimist, a pessimist, and an accountant?
To the optimist, the glass of water is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass of water is half empty.
To the accountant, the glass of water is twice as big as it needs to be. - Unknown
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. - Unknown
Why did the boy throw a glass of water out the window? He wanted to see a waterfall. - Unknown
Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer. - A Woman's Experience With Children
Rain is just God peeing on you. - Youngster Theories by Matt Groening
If we're in a drought, why can't we import dehydrated water? - Unknown
Beer: Take pure spring water. The finest grains. The richest ingredients. And then run them through a horse. - Unknown
75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. - Unknown
Water is the only drink for a wise man. - Thoreau
CAPULCO HOTEL: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. - Signs from around the world
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? - npcc
You never want to hear, "Your new cell phone doesn't work underwater." - A Woman's Experience With Children
I am thankful for laughter except when water comes out of my nose. - Woody Allen
As soon as the body is immersed fully in the bathtub, the telephone will ring. - Bell's Theorem
Water, air, and cleanness are the chief articles in my pharmacy. - Napoleon Bonaparte
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late - A Woman's Experience with Children
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? - Unknown
Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%. - Unknown
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. - Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have. - Unknown
Where can you find an ocean without water? On a map. - Unknown
Owen’s Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. - Unknown
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen. - Unknown
Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. - Unknown
Dihydrogen oxide is, of course, water. - Peter M. Tirschwell
Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I had found on an employment web page. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements, "Must be able to swim." - Unknown
The human brain is 80% water - Unknown
What do you use to dilute water? - Unknown
Why did the guy, when he went to bed, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty? It's because he didn't know if he'd be thirsty or not. - Unknown
I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add. - Steven Wright
The earth is a closed system, similar to a terrarium. The same water that existed on the earth millions of years ago is still present today. So, you are drinking water that was around when dinosaurs lived. Filtering it is a really good idea! - Unknown
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year? - Unknown
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water? - Unknown
A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!" He says, "Aha!" - Unknown
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backward. - George Carlin

And Other Humorous Antidotes...

Child Sent to Bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"
Foreign Relations
An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.
Found at jokes.contentavailable.com
Pee Soup???
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?" The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."
The Power of Cold Water
A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, “Grandfather, are these plates clean?” His grandfather replies, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them, so go on and finish your meal.” That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, “Grandfather are you sure these plates are clean?” Without looking up from his burger, the grandfather says, “I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don”t ask me about it anymore.” Well, later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As he was leaving the house, grandfather’s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won't let me out.” Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, his grandfather shouted, “Coldwater, get out of the way!”
That Dog'll Hunt
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."